nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
