I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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