I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
