I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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