She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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