It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
