how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
