There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
