I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And then my night got REAL pukey
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
