I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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