I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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