I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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