I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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