shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
