Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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