um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
