FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
