Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
