3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
