I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
