i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
