A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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