She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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