No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Couch. On fire.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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