my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
