For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize