my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
