Moan for me like Helen Keller
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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