I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
