if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
