He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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