Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
