you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
