I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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