am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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