Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
