she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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