i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
