i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize