Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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