Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same