You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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