I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize