The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
