I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.