My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night