I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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