Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
