I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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