I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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