i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
