Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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