I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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