You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
