Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
