I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
