Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
