...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
