I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
