Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
