Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
