I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
