Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
