i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
