So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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