my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
