ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
