Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
