I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
