I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
