I wannas sexs uuuuu
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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