It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
